To the Future Father of My Children (a billet-doux)

Keep looking up, a rainbow awaits to be etched for you!
Keep looking up, a rainbow awaits to be etched for you!

I can vividly recall when my late Father would tease me. Mega-watt smile would warm my heart. But when he let loose of his loquacious tongue (got the talkative prowess from him): “Anak, kelan mo kami bibigyan ng apo?…” (Child, when are you going to give us grandchildren?)…,I knew it would be a meaningful with kinda drama laden conversation. I would subtly shun such awkward topic. I never learned the art of perfect smooth transition tho.

I would try to roll my eyes and laugh out loud! Same old. Same old. Same old joke! But his sincerity surpassed its triviality.

“How come? I don’t even have a sweetheart, you want me to have a child already? Oh! Rather, children!” My Unnecessary rebuttal.

 

Let bygones be bygones

While my father prayed for me and my future, it’s just disheartening to even think that when my grand day comes, I would walk down the aisle without him by my side. It’s more heartbreaking that there’s no one to scrutinize a potential suitor/lifetime partner — someone special to approve and to give the blessing and advice.

My late father’s faith had been my family’s fortress. I remembered him trying to console me when I was coping up from devastation with my first heartbreak. He told me to let go and let God, though clenching his teeth in disappointment.

Although he didn’t lack flaws and shortcomings, he’s an epitome of a forgiving and giving heart. Having survived major betrayals at work and in church, he taught me and siblings: never repay evil with evil. He constantly reminded us that vengeance belongs to the Lord, same with justice, mercy and grace.

“Pray for those who used and abused trust and friendship or relationship.” This still resound in my ear. I miss him terribly especially today.

I don’t have him around anymore, but the special spot in my heart would remain empty for him. Grateful, we have the Heavenly Father whose unconditional love overflows, heals and restores. There’s the heart-shaped void in my heart that He alone can fill. I am fully healed. I’m braver than ever. The fact that I can share about these sensitive stuff in public magnifies God’s grace.

 

Forgiveness is a meaningful gift

Forgiveness is a precious gift from God. Gift to self, gift to the recipient albeit undeserving. Forgiveness would always be my choice, when faint thought of the people and the past resurface.

I’ve learned and honed the art of forgiving without forgetting. Forgetting normally happens when you don’t force yourself to forget. But with gratitude, you ought to run down memory lane to remember the precious lessons learned.  Eventually, the memory dies its natural death. You are rather grateful it didn’t work out because God has prepared the best that is yet to come.

Perhaps you may think that I’m desperate with this love letter. Or you presumed there’s SOMEONE — THE ONE already! Finally?! But NO! NONE yet. Not yet in courtship. No suitor.

I don’t usually write open letter. My billet doux is just an attempt to express. Haha!

“Dear Anonymous Gentleman,

What took you so long?  Patience and prudence have been my best companions while waiting. I pray they won’t let go of me while I let God unfold your identity.

I’ve been waiting for you for almost a decade now. I made some huge mistakes more than once when I thought you were the ones whom I’ve given pieces of my heart away.

Firstly, I thought it was you whom I thought would be the first and last. I’ve learned to be rather grateful that the short-lived season ended, and we’re spared from possible permanent damage.

Secondly, I thought it was you whom I waited to confess true love, when you just tested the waters. I survived the turbulent storm alone! It was only during closure I found out, it’s an unrequited love! But it’s providential that I gave up on that false hope and moved on already two years prior to the closure.

My deceitful heart beguiled me. I keep sticking to my Wounded Healer for guidance, so I won’t be deceived again. My heart got countless healed wounds, yet ugly scars abound.

I’m still waiting; waiting for someone to fall for the healed wounds and beautiful scars (because Jesus’ scars from the cross covered mine), not for my sunshiny smile and sprightly personality or piety.

The rest of this letter, I would just spare for you for private reading. I just don’t know how long would it take for you to finally read it though. I really have no idea who you are!

Bloom-in-waiting,

Lailanie

I’m not in a hurry. I actually hope that ‘The Bridegroom’ whom I’ve realized waiting patiently while I thought I’m the one waiting, would finally come.

I know His timing is perfect and I know His will is true.
I know His timing is perfect and I know His will is true.

It would rather be more glorious! For in Him, there’s only genuine love, so pure and so divine. That unquenchable love who’s powerful enough to awake my father from deep slumber, six feet under.

I’d rather write my Immortal Love often (as what I love to do for many years). Shower him with potpourri of poetry and ethereal epiphany. I’ll keep focusing reading His open love letter (Bible) with sanctified thrill!

Then, I wouldn’t mind the time anymore. Even when the ticking clock sounds aloud. LOL!

I don’t really patronize celebrities, but Jodi Sta. Maria’s statement is profound. “We should never apologize for having high standards in love.”

 2016 LAF

Note: Photos credit to Bea Burce and Vinz Matias. Video credits to Arabelle delos Reyes (from Facebook).